But is there any? Really? Respect that is. Nope. None. In fact, I actually think you are a twatwanker. So the literal opposite of any kind of "respect" at all.
To clarify Dear Loyal Readers, I'm not necessarily directing my ire and anger and rudeness at *you* specifically but to the World in general. Funny that isn't it? How the phrase starts with the pretence of a measured and well constructed argument and ends with a direct insult. It's one of those many well-worn, hollow expressions that punctuate our modern day language. And haven't we got a load of them these days? Vacuous empty phrases that somehow have permeated into "everyday speak"
My fifth form English teacher would be having an actual red faced fit if we were spitting these bars in his lesson. He'd be flipping out if we ended a sentence with a preposition. That behaviour simply needs to be separated out. (see what I did there?)
Anyway, let's not get all Grammar Police as this blog has clearly demonstrated time after time that the Grumpy Man doesn't actually care a hoot about correct sentence construction, linguistic niceties or any real kind of rules and regulations. I think what I'll do is call it "neo-techno modernist free form" (or some other such bullshit) and swig away at my sage-smudged chai bubble tea and nibble on my hemp seed unleavened flatbread. I won't but you get me, right? I'll pass off my writing laziness as a deliberately trendy and ironic "style". Reckon I'll blag my way through too. Probably get my own entry in wikipedia. (and if not, I'll write it myself, anonymously like)
Here's another irritatingly nauseous phrase to consider. "Agree to disagree" - ummmm.... no.... If I agree with you I'll agree. You will have convinced me with facts and reasoned argument that your view is the one to subscribe to. That the information you have presented is a more rounded and believable reality than my previous viewpoint. If I disagree I'll continue to say so and reiterate to you my reasons why I believe that what you are saying is a crock of steaming horse dung and that you are simply spouting sentence after sentence of hairy bollocks.
Another of the killer expressions that is pretty much guaranteed to get my teeth grinding and my arse twitching in annoyance seems to now be so prevalent that its even being widely used on the BBC News. The BBC News for fucks sakes! The final paragon of middle England propriety and impartial reporting, with a more than obvious dose of deferential obsequiousness thrown in for good measure. Honestly, to hear our revered ten o'clock newscasters interviewing our elected politicians and at the end of their diatribe one, or both, signing off from the conversation with "it is what it is" makes me want to actually reach into the screen and shake the living hell out of the speaker. "It is what it is" - what the actual flippety-flip? Seriously? It is what it is, what? What is it that it is? You've given me no information, no background, no content. No detail, no clarity, no substance. You've decided that our debate is over and as you have nothing meaningful left to contribute you have closed off the whole conversation with, what is in your opinion, a de facto "last word"
Kinda like the person who makes an incredulous statement and finishes it with the word "fact" - it actually isn't a true fact, it is simply your opinion or view.
Still not convinced I should be irritated by these two expressions? Let's play it out then shall we.
Me: Guess that? The whole of the M25 is in fact a time vortex created by Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos, using the very latest vaccine mind-control drug, and designed to make you drive around and around in every decreasing, slower circles until all you can do is stare blankly at your mobile device and click "buy now" on a unicorn head band to wear on your Monday conference call. #FACT You: Are you fucking serious right now? Me: It is what it is
<end of conversation>
You still not onside here are you? Oh well, I guess we will have to agree to disagree.
Remember a few blogs back I said I'd taken to looking after myself a bit more and had broken all the laws of the universe by starting a diet/fitness regime on a random mid point of the month Wednesday? Well I have been (mostly) being more active and (mostly) eating less shite. (mostly)
The exercise thing has been enlightening in many ways. I'm lucky where I live as I have access to green spaces and coastal areas so can mix it up a bit with where, and how, and when, I do a bit of "The Exercise". I knew that there would likely be other people engaged in various forms of "The Exercise" when I was going to, but what I was absolutely oblivious to is the hierarchy amongst the various exercising factions. And I'm using the word "factions" most deliberately and in its truest form. It's a war zone out there some days people I'm telling you!
Broadly speaking there are three main "factions" going to war on a daily basis.
These are The Walkers, The Runners and The Riders.
Each of these has a few sub groups too.
The Walkers gang will be further sub-divided into Recreational, Expert and Dog.
The Runners similarly will fall into Real, Charity and Occasional.
The Riders only really have two subsets and these are The MAMIL/ATGNI (middle aged men in lycra/all the gear, no idea) and The Bastards.
As you may expect, each group are kinda supportive of each other, giving each other a nod and a wink as they pass by, they also secretly hate their own sub groups. The Expert Walker will cast absolute distain on the Dog Walkers with their extendable cheese wire garrottes that curl around your legs and threaten to sever your femoral artery as the overactive scruffy rat on the other end of the string tries to hump anything in sight. "Oh sorry! He's just being friendly" Get. To. Fuck. I do not want your mutts jizz all over my shins funnily enough. Not my thing. At all. The Real Runners will look down their noses at the Charitys huffing and puffing and jogging along in a random collection of fluorescent beanies and entry level trainers (with rainbow laces probably) and the freebie event tee shirt. Yes they will be sort of pleased to see you as you are, at least, off your lardy arse and out pounding the streets but they will be judging you on ability and apparel. 100%. Make no mistake about it, whilst the Real Runners might even chuck you a few quid towards your charity totaliser, they will be the first ones to celebrate when you have finished and therefore no longer in their running space.
The Riders simply hate everyone. Not even secretly either. Especially The Bastards.The Bastards are the semi-professionals who will be speeding along shouting and swearing at pretty much anyone who dares to be breathing their air, let alone using the path, road, or track.
The MAMIL/ATGNI brigade are slightly less obnoxious than The Bastards. But only slightly. They will have invested hundreds of pounds into their stretchy ugly clothing and hundreds more in an over-spec'd bike that they barely understand how to operate, and as a result of their huge overspend, have also bought themselves a sense of entitlement to all of the track. Every single piece. ZigZagging dangerously left to right to left again, too fast for the Expert Walkers to feel comfortable. Just about fast enough for the Real Runners to tolerate but no where near fast enough, or straight enough, for The Bastards.
Needless to say, everyone from every group, and every subset of every group, hates The Bastards. But they simply don't care. They'll whizz past you within inches so you can actually feel their spittle and sweat hit you on their "fly-by", they'll be staring at your from behind their wrap around yellow-lensed goggleglasses and, more than likely, flick you the "V"s over their shoulder. One of the strange things about this dysfunctional exercise "family" is that whilst they all hate each other, and themselves to a large degree, they will all band together in the face of potential legislation (road tax for bikes, insurance for dog walkers, helmets for runners) and even more than that, each of the subsets secretly want to be The Bastards. Or at least, to have their arrogance and fuck you attitude. Not sure I get that really. And with all due respect, I guess it is what it is.
Muchos besos
x
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